


When Did I Become Infallible?

by TearfulShadows



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Cutting, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-19
Updated: 2013-09-19
Packaged: 2017-12-27 01:16:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/972614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TearfulShadows/pseuds/TearfulShadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When did I become infallible? When did everyone decide that they could come to me with all their problems and expect me to automatically fix it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Did I Become Infallible?

**Author's Note:**

> This is very angsty. I've actually asked myself a lot of these questions in the past month so it hits very close to home. I have an idea of where this story can go but it's a oneshot. I will continue it if you guys want me to.

When did I become infallible?

When did it become the practice to come to me with every problem and expect me to fix it?

I never said that I knew everything or that I could solve anything. I’ve never believed that just because I was there everything would be ok.  So why do you? Why do you all have so much faith in me and put all that pressure on me?

I’m not infallible.  I’m not perfect and never professed myself to be. I’m only human; I make mistakes.

You make fun of me when I do something wrong. Do you understand how that makes me feel? Orihime makes a mistake and everyone asks her if she’s ok but when I do something wrong, I am scorned and teased.

Am I held in so high esteem that I’ve become this perfect god in your eyes?

I wish I could go back in time and find the time that everyone started putting me on a pedestal and tell them that it’s not a good idea.  They shouldn’t view me so high that I can do no wrong.  I want to just slap whoever started that.

News flash guys! I’m just me, just Ichigo. Can’t you see that? I’m not the Savior of the Soul Society, Defender of Innocents, Slayer of Arrancar, Visored, Fullbringer, or even Substitute Soul Reaper.  I’m just Ichigo, a human boy who has an entire world carried on his shoulders.

It was because of me that Rukia was set for execution, it was for me that Orihime was captured to use as bait, my fault that Zangetsu and Shiro are gone.  I’ve made so many mistakes and you all just overlook them and move on like they never happened.

I hate…no loathe myself! I can’t stand to even look in a mirror anymore because I hate the face that stares back at me.  I’ve been the cause for so many problems…so much destruction, yet you hail me like some king.  I bet my mother is so disappointed, looking down on me and watching all the terrible things I’ve done.  She would regret my life as much as I do.

Ooh…that one stung a little more.  I must have cut deeper than I thought I did that time.  I will have to be more careful with the next one, wouldn’t wanna bleed out.  But maybe that’s not such a bad thing.  Maybe I should just end my miserable existence now.  It’s not like anyone would even miss me.  Sure they might miss using me as a scapegoat and a shield from powerful enemies, but they won’t miss _me_.

How long will it be until you notice the scars? I’m surprised that you haven’t already; it’s not like I hide them.  But then again, I guess it’s not all that surprising since you only see what you want to see and I guess that you don’t want to see me struggling.

Black is starting to creep across my vision.  Is this the end? Am I dying? I can’t even dredge up even a little bit of fear; my life is that meaningless. Maybe I will just cease to exist when I die.  My whole existence will be erased from the minds of those who knew me, or at least thought they did. But then again, they probably won’t even know that I died.  They won’t even notice that I’m gone.

Wait…I can’t die yet.  I’m not ready to stay in Soul Society permanently. Once this miserable existence is over, I will just be condemning myself to an even longer, more miserable existence.  Will I still go to Soul Society if I let myself get eaten by a Hollow? Hmmm…it’s food for thought.  I refuse to be stuck in Soul Society for an eternity.  I won’t allow myself to be caged in that place.  It’s ironic that the people who care the least about me evoke the most emotion in me.

Besides, there is still one thing I have to do before I die. I have to see him; talk to him. It’s going to take quite a bit of planning and I might have to get Mr. Hat n’ Clogs to help me but I have to do it.  He’s the only one, besides Yoruichi, that actually cares about me…I can trust them. Who knows, maybe there will be someone who mourns me when I’m gone.

When did I become infallible?

 


End file.
